


Simon was much better as Adam

by AwatereJones



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Post-Episode: s02e05 Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29049978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: This is post ADAM when the entity tries one more go at the team but finds things not so great. Like never changing the name of a boat as it is bad luck... seems the same can be said for other things too and Adam renaming himself Simon seems to have bene a bad move. This is for Lady Emma Wentworth who made me smile with her latest one-shot.
Relationships: Ianto Jones & Adam Smith, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Kudos: 14





	Simon was much better as Adam

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyMyfanwy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMyfanwy/gifts).



Ianto was standing behind the SUV calmly placing the containment box in the back as Jack moved around the scene making sure nothing had been missed, Toshiko on her hands and knees to one side still heaving from the smell as several red caps hovered nervously.

Ianto reached up to close the back when he felt someone nearby and he turned to find a man standing there watching him. Ianto felt an instant dislike, the hair on the back of his neck twitching with alarm, and he frowned as he reached a hand for the back one more while still eyeballing the man.

"Hello there" the man said softly "I was wondering… could you please not close that just yet?"

Ianto's hand hovered as he stared at him, the red headed Ed Sheeran wanna be looked like a right dork in his UNIT clothing hands clasped together piously. Ianto maintained the eye contact as he calmly lowered his hand to side it into his pocket.

"You don't have to do that either" the man sighed softly "I am just here to talk. No need to get pissy at me Ianto."

"How do you know my name?" Ianto asked. He knew him… somewhere deep down that edidic memory was accessing.

"Oh I know you… I know you well. You know me too" the man smiled "I was just in the neighborhood and saw you lot over here, thought I would mosey on over and say hi. How ya doing?"

"We are doing fine without you, now fuck off" Ianto said with uncommon rudeness that surprised even himself.

"Ouch… I only wanted to say hi. Wanted to… breathe a little. You know, of all the team you were the hardest… the most fun. There is this way about you. This cloud over you like you know death is coming and you are resigned to the fact. You know I…" the man's voice petered out, as Ianto raised the weapon and the man said softly "Come now… no need for that."

Ianto continued to glare as the gun never wavered and he said softly "Fuck…. Off… Adam."

"Simon" someone called from across the way, a Unit Commander rising his hand "Come on now boy, places to be."

"Calling yourself Simon now are ya?" Ianto grinned maniacally "Cute. I had you pegged as an Adam for some reason I cannot quite get."

"He is nice… has a terrible depressing wife a suicidal teen son… a mistress on the side and is ever so quietly homosexual but in denial so he just watches gay porn and beats off to it. So sad… at least you are a little more liberated… even if the guilt was so delicious."

Ianto sighed softly as he knew this was going nowhere and he canted his head "Look Simon, whatever you are looking for… I ain't selling."

Simon grinned as he looked at Ianto and then nodded as he started to take slow deliberate steps towards Ianto "you do seem stronger. You and he came to an agreement there did you? He lets you wear the pants now and then now? Hmmmm? Tell me monster… you still kill people in your spare…."

The sound of the gunshot had everyone jumping then Jack was running for the SUV and he slid around it to find Ianto lowering the weapon as a body twitched on the ground nearby, the death throes making the heels of the shoes drum like a weird laying down tap-dance.

"Ianto!" Jack said with horror "What the fuck!"

Ianto shrugged.

Jack looked at him, seizing his arms and looking into his face "Ianto. Look at me, are you OK? You have never shot someone like that for no reason."

"I … well I did shoot Owen that time" Ianto defended himself with a frown as he focused showing Jack he was not under some influence or in shock, his steely gaze as strong as ever "But Owen did ask for it… so did … Simon."

"Simon?" Jack turned to look at the mess, a few strands of red hair vaguely visible in as lighter red than the deep bloody mess.

"Yes… he asked for it" Ianto said as he holstered his weapon and shrugged.

"How… prey tell… did he ask for that?" Jack asked as he turned back to face Ianto.

"Easy" Ianto smiled softly "He never said 'Simon Sez' so… I win."

Jack had no idea what had just happened, or the distant scent of fear lingering in the air that he knew was Ianto and he also hadn't smelt for a long time. Whoever this Simon had been, Ianto had somehow known him and not liked him.

The general had reached them and he stood at the body of his assistant and roared at them "What the hell did you do! Bloody Torchwood!"

Jack swung to face him and repeated "He didn't say Simon Sez' so… he lost!"

They got into the SUV and drove sedately home as Ianto muttered "Simple Simon… what a dick. At least Adam fought back."

"Who?" Jack asked and Ianto looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Huh?"

"Who is Adam?"

Ianto stared at him then said in a slow deliberate voice "I have no idea Cariad."

.

.

.

_**LadyMyfanwy just wrote a great one-shot 'I met a friend of yours toady' based on the song … loved it… check it out. As this is one here is really a poem not a sing… I am giving it as a one-shot instead of the torchwood Song list.** _

.

**Simple Simon**

_Simple Simon met a pieman,_ _  
_ _Going to the fair,_ _  
_ _Says Simple Simon to the pieman._ _  
_ _Let me taste your ware!_ _  
_ _  
_ _Says the pieman to Simple Simon._ _  
_ _Show me first your penny,_ _  
_ _Says Simple Simon to the pieman._ _  
_ _Indeed I have not any!_ _  
_ _  
_ _Simple Simon went a-fishing,_ _  
_ _For to catch a whale,_ _  
_ _All the water he had got_ _  
_ _Was in his mother's pail._

_Simple Simon went to look_ _  
_ _If plums grew on a thistle,_ _  
_ _He pricked his fingers very much,_ _  
_ _Which made poor Simon whistle._

.

.

Simon Says - Lyrics

I'd like to play a game  
That is so much fun  
And it's not so very hard to do  
The name of the game is Simple Simon says  
And I would like for you to play it to

Put your hands in the air  
Simple Simon says  
Shake them all about  
Simple Simon says  
Do it when Simon says  
Simple Simon says  
And you will never be out

Simple Simon says  
Put your hands on your head  
Let your back bone stretch  
Simon says

Simple Simon says  
Put your hands on your head  
Let your back bone stiff  
Simon says

Put your hands on your head  
Simple Simon says  
Bring them down by your side  
Simple Simon says  
Shake them to your left  
Simple Simon Says  
Now shake them to your right

Put your hands on your head  
Simple Simon says  
Bring them down by your side  
Simple Simon says  
Shake them to your left  
Simple Simon Says  
Now shake them to your right

Now that you have learnt  
To play this game with me  
You can see its not so hard to do  
Lets try it once again  
This time more carefully  
And I hope the winner will be you

Clap your hands in the air  
Simple Simon says  
Do it double time  
Simple Simon says  
Slow it down like before  
Simple Simon says  
Ah, your looking fine  
Simple Simon says  
Now clap them high in the air  
Simple Simon says  
Do it double time  
Simple Simon says  
Slow it down like before  
Simple Simon says  
Ah, your looking fine

**Writer: ELLIOT CHIPRUT**


End file.
